Man, You're Like School During the Summer. No Class.

You’re sitting around reminiscing with buddies from home wondering what you guys..or y’all (fucking hillbillies) should do this summer, and where you should go. Well. “I’ll tell ya where we’ll go. Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like salmon of Capistrano. I’m talkin ‘bout a little place called..As-pen.” What’s the next best thing to Aspen you’re wondering? Fucking Oxford, Ohio.

Somewhere in between the townies scouring the sides of the road for left over furniture..

(I’m going to be completely honest here and admit I may have taken part in some dumpster diving along side some really handsome toothless townies with unidentifiable gender traits. I almost got into a fucking bum fight once or twice over a side table whose top drawer was filled with unopened condoms. Whoever dumped that shit behind their apartment on Sycamore 1. Thank you for the unscathed piece of furniture and 2. I’m sorry you didn’t get laid nearly as often as you had anticipated.)

..the mass quantities of empty beer cans filling the roads, and overly tan rocketeers jogging around you realize it’s fucking summertime.

Unfortunately, it seems like Oxford has its wires crossed with that total skank Mother Nature. This whole 43 degree weather is sort of fucking up my bronzing game. Not that I don’t love waking up and tossing on sweatpants and a sweatshirt, it's just the idea of doing it during the summer makes me dry heave. The good news is, the weather is just another excuse for us to get drunk as fuck and have some summer lovin’. (Hats off to Grease for that reference.)

The bad news, some of us actually need to take our summer classes seriously. I’m not sure if anyone is aware of this but apparently if you don’t attend class, skip 50% of the assignments, miss an exam, and then do nothing to fix the previously listed items professors will actually give you fucking F’s. I know, I was just as shocked as you are, and apparently they don't fucking stand for Fantastic. (I almost used "phenomenal" as my example but I guess we can see how that wouldn't have worked out. Fuck it, I deserve to be in summer school.) Actually I was shocked three times over. Yep, that’s right ladies and gentlemen I managed to do the impossible and fail an entire semester. Alright..I’m being a bit dramatic I did get a C in a 100 level Latin American Studies class.

Lucky for me my mother did me a solid and called Miami, and golly gee whiz what’s this?? They have the class I failed AND a GPA booster available for summer session one! Oh boy oh boy! Looks like the only tall boy I’ll be having this summer is the hottie in my theater class.

I leave you with a simple phrase from my idol Ferris Bueller.

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it.”

Peace out fuckers, I have to go do homework.