It's Christmas Fuckin' Eve

Twas the night before Green Beer Day and all through the house, 

not a frat star was stirring, not one could you rouse. 

The kegs were on ice, they were tapped with such care, 

in hopes that tomorrow they would soon be drunk bare. 

The students were nestled all snug in their beds, 

while visions of green beer danced in their heads. 

The slampiece in her leggings and I in my cap, 

had just settled down for a short springtime nap. 

When down in the basement there arose such a clatter, 

I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. 

Away to the stairs, I flew like a flash, 

tore open the door, and down them I dashed. 

The just rising sun on the newly tapped keg, 

gave the luster of mid-day, paired with a green egg. 

When what to my wondering eye did appear, 

but a mini ice luge with green shots for my peers.

Drunk Freshmen, drunk Sophomores, 

drunk Juniors, drunk Seniors! 

Drunk Buckeyes, drunk Bearcats, 

drunk Hoosiers and Hawks! 

To the top of the porch, from the window, to the wall! 

Now drink away, drink away, drink away all! 

Cheers,

-The Big Lebroski 


EDIT: An (unfortunately) anonymous commenter left their own poem which is actually hysterical. Fucking read it. 

'Twas the Night Before Green Beer Day
By Two Former Miamians on the occasion of GBD '07 

'Twas the night before Green Beer Day, when all through the school
Not a student was studying, not even the tools.
The Coozies were placed by the fridge with care
In hopes that the morning soon would be there.

The students were nestled all snug in their beds,
While thoughts of morning drunkenness danced in their heads.
And everyone set their alarms to 5:30,
For their academic records tomorrow they'd dirty.

When out on their desks there arose such a ring:
They snoozed their alarms to see what morning would bring.
Away to the kitchens they flew with a flash;
Tore open the doors and gathered their cash.

The sun starts to rise over few driving cars
As all in Oxford head out to the bars.
When what to our wandering eyes should appear
But kegs upon kegs of green, flowing beer

Our eyes lit up bright as our lips we all lick;
By the end of the day, we all will be sick.
More rapid his than eagles, from taps out it came;
The students whistled, shouted and called out by name:

"Bud Heavy, Mich Ultra and some Natty light!
Start me a tab and pour me a pint!
To the top of the cup and then down to the end
Finish your first, then fill up again!"

Then, it's 9:30, and we're drunk off our ass;
We're met with an obstacle: our morning's first class.
Threatened with things like zeros, fails or drops
On our way down the slant walk, we're alert for the cops.

And then, in the twinkling, we enter the room
Knowing full well of our impending doom.
As we take our seats, we are thoroughly messed
And try our hardest not to puke on our test.

When on question 10, our answers in doubt,
To the left what sees we? A classmate passed out.
After 50 minutes' torture, still we're not sober
On the way out the door, two others fall over.

We look at the bus stop but the sign is a blur;
To the house for a nap we must go for the cure.
We wake up at 3 again twinkling and merry
And go back to the bars for a shot of Extreme Cherry (suck it, Bratz)

Our droll little mouths were drawn up like bows
We look to our right and see three bangin' hoes.
Decked out in green shirts, right jolly young sluts
In two hours time, we'll put it in their butts!

But then we remember that we're too drunk to talk;
We get another round and continue to gawk.
And using the grease off the side of our nose,
We put fingers in beer and down the foam goes.

After several shots, where tequila's the killa'
We realize that we are all totally drunkzilla
We spring to our feet, to our friends give a whistle
And away we all fly like the down of a thistle.

But as we leave the bar, we've one statement to make:
"Happy Green Beer Day to all, have a nice Spring Break!"

Broner Jams - What Brohio Is Listening To

What Brohio Is Currently Listening To Right Meow

         So if you’re as sick as I am of hearing “Call Me Maybe,” and you’d like to branch out from listening to that Canadian she-devil, here are a few songs to update your music collection and get the party raging.

Macklemore - Thrift Shop

 

         If you’re not familiar with Macklemore, there’s your first mistake. But if you’re new to him, check out his stuff. He and Ryan Lewis are a fucking dream team. This is how hip-hop should be. His first full length album comes out October 9th. 

Kid Cudi - Just What I Am (featuring King Chip)

 

          The old Cudi is back, and I’m pumped. Let’s hope the rest of his new stuff is this great. And yes, Chip tha Ripper changed his name to King Chip.

Calvin Harris - Sweet Nothing (featuring Florence Welch)

 

         This man can’t make a song that doesn’t make you want to party. The video is a little strange, but the song is amazing nonetheless.

The Royal Concept - Gimme Twice

 

        Are these guys a huge ripoff of Phoenix? You better believe it. Do I care? Not really because this song is fucking amazing and it’s been a while since Phoenix came out with anything new. 

Kanye West - Clique (featuring Big Sean and Jay-Z)

        Kanye makes yet another song that is sure to get a lot of plays at the bar, and I don’t hate that at all. Ain’t nobody fuckin’ with my clique. clique. clique. clique. clique.

Dimitri Vegas, Moguai & Like Mike - Mammoth

         This song technically isn’t out yet, but the 1:30 of it that is out is fucking unreal. I’m hoping to hear part of this at Barstool Blackout coming up. Keep an eye out for the full version.

Martin Sloevig - The Night Out

         I feel like this song was insanely overlooked. I really wouldn’t mind seeing it get some play in the bars. Cough cough. PLAY THIS IN THE BARS, BARS! And the ass shaking at 2:07 is how you hypnotize men, ladies.

J Cole - I’m a Fool

          J Cole comes back from his short hiatus with a solid song featuring Ceelo Green. Can’t wait to hear some more new stuff from J Cole though.

Big Sean - How it Feel

          Big Sean came out with his new mixtape Detroit and this is by far his strongest song out of the new stuff.

Rihanna - Cockiness Remix ft. A$AP ROCKY

          This song is a giant innuendo, but A$AP’s short verse on this song makes it. Plus, bitches love Rihanna.

          Have fun raging to these songs and I’ll get back to you with some more soon.

--The Big Lebroski.

Rage-ology 101

          ATTENTION FRESHMEN! Here are two drinking games to play when boredom or procrastination strikes and to keep our great institution in the top 10 party schools in the nation. We’ll be bringing you a couple drinking games every week along with a drink or two to try when you hit the bars. Work hard, play harder.

Drinking Games of the Week

1) Thumper

          Start by gathering around a table that will fit you and all your friends. The sturdier the table, the better. You’re all about to pound on the table, so you don’t want your drink to fall off or spill everywhere. If you can’t find a table that doesn’t shake a lot and isn’t structurally horrible, you can just keep your drink on the floor, under the table, or behind you so you don’t kick anyone’s drink over. We all know there’s a special place in hell for people that waste alcohol.
         Everyone needs to come up with a good hand or body motion. The funnier, the better. A good pelvic thrust with a look of constipation on your face? Perfect. Rubbing your nipples while your tongue is hanging out? Even better. The goal of the game is to get someone to mess up while recreating your motion or trying to , causing them to drink.
         Ok, so now that you’ve come up with your motion, go around the table (doesn’t matter what direction) and show everyone your motion. Make sure you’re not just laughing at everyone’s motion and try to remember at least a handful of them, you’ll need to know at least one person’s so you don’t have to drink.
         Now the game begins, someone volunteers to begin and utters the magical Thumper words while everyone pounds on the table with their hands. The phrase is as follows:

Person starting: “WHAT’S THE NAME OF THE GAME?!" 

Everyone else: “THUMPER!” 

Person starting: “WHY DO WE PLAY IT?!" 

Everyone else: “TO GET FUCKED UP!” 

Person starting: “HOW FUCKED UP?!” 

Everyone else: “REAL FUCKED UP!”

         Now that that’s over, the person starting does his motion, followed by someone else’s, thus passing the motion to someone else. This person now has to do their motion, followed by someone else’s. If they fuck up, then they drink. It’s as simple as that. Keep going around the circle till someone messes up, and enjoy getting “REAL FUCKED UP!”

If you’re more of a visual learner, here’s a PG rated YouTube video of the game. I highly encourage the use of my Thumper chant though.

2) Bet Your Liver

         Feeling lucky? Try out Bet Your Liver. You’ll need a deck of cards and the biggest cup or pitcher you can find.
        Grab the biggest beer stein or pitcher you have, the bigger the better. Place the pitcher or whatever you chose in the middle of the table where you and all your friends are sitting. Next, take the deck of cards and spread them around the pitcher. Each person takes turn going around the table, betting an amount of beer by pouring the beer into the pitcher. After the person places their bet, they will either choose “Red” or “Black”. If the card is “Red” and they chose “Red” then they don’t have to drink and play moves to the next person. If they bet wrong though, they have to drink all the beer that’s in the pitcher. Play continues until someone bets wrong, and bets continue till the pitcher fills up. That’s why you want to have the biggest pitcher you can get a hold of.

         This game’s pretty easy to play and you can even play it at beat the clock as long as someone has a deck of cards and an empty pitcher. The empty pitcher should be the easiest part to find though.

Drinks of the Week

          We’ll give you guys a drink every week to branch out and try at any of the local watering holes.

Old Fashioned

         We’re starting off with a proper gentleman’s drink. This is the drink that a man like Don Draper would (and does) drink. Is it a little tedious to drink? Yeah. But does it taste delicious when you make the perfect one? You better fucking believe it. I’ve been on a mission to find the perfect one since I’ve been able to bar hop. Let me tell you folks, a good Old Fashioned is not something that is easy to find. If you’re feeling ballsy and want to try and make one for yourself, here’s a recipe to get you started. Feel free to modify it to taste, of course.

• 2 oz Bourbon: Use whatever you find tastes best.
• 2 dashes bitters
• 1 splash water
• 1 sugar cube
• 1 maraschino cherry
• 1 orange wedge

         Mix sugar, water and angostura bitters in an old-fashioned glass. Drop in a cherry and an orange wedge. Muddle into a paste using a muddler or the back end of a spoon. Pour in bourbon, fill with ice cubes, and stir.




Until Next Week,
The Big Lebroski