Word to the Wise - The Brof Hits You With Some Knowledge

Do I love country? Sadly, no. I'm too Northern for that. However, I do love Darius Rucker and all that is Hootie. If you don't, you're most likely a terrorist. Anyways, in one of his songs, Darius is explaining to "Be wary of a woman...". Thus, a few brief characteristics and nuances to watch out for in the female population while in college or if you're recently graduated:

-If you've been dating for only a month or so, and she starts talking about marriage or rings: BAIL.

-If all she watches is Disney movies and [cheesy] chick flicks. She will undoubtedly have: A. False pretenses about relationships B. Delusional standards for the male population. 3. Shitty taste in movies. (I'm all about Lion King, don't get me wrong. Shit was raw as a kid.)

-If she always says/posts shit like "I'm soooo fat" "Omg I should lay off the junk food" "Guys just never treat me right". She probably has confidence issues, attention whoring/compliment fishing issues,or a shitty attitude. Or some freakish chimera of all three.

-She has you pay for everything, all the time, every time. This is traversing past chivalry, and bounding into "she's using you, bro" territory.

-She has mostly guy friends, and not many girl friends at all. This most likely means she's a bitch, in some form or another. Or a sloot. (bitchy sloot?)

-She bounces from relationship to relationship frequently; always has a boyfriend. Sounds like commitment issues to me. Or she's a sloot.

-She has an awful laugh that resembles an adolescent seal being clubbed to death. She's hot? Whatever. Imagine listening to that seal dying every time you say something witty.

-There are three kinds of girls in one aspect: Girls who don't like sports, girls who pretend to like sports, and girls who like sports. Stray away from the first, gravitate towards the latter two. Preferably the last one. 

-She only watches shows like 'Real Housewives', 'The Bachelor', and shows about dresses or whatever the fuck. She obviously has poor taste in television, and you'd probably want to commit suicide if you had to sit through that garbage on a regular basis.

-She doesn't drink beer. Get ready for Sloppy Susie. And higher than average bar tabs.

-If she's obsessed with Hello Kitty. Girl, you aren't an Asian twelve year old.

Brof, out.

Gems - Miami Girls, All 8 of Them

"OMG guys, you have to read this book.
It, like, changed my life." 

Miami: Home to a generally good looking student population, emphasis on the female side. It was one of the contributing factors to chose Miami as my institution, (just kidding. But seriously.) All you hear about is how Miami is home to preppy ladies, however, not all of the chicks in Oxford are the same. Here is a list of the types of girls you will meet at our great school:

1. The Geed:

She's not into the Greek scene. She scoffs at everything "frat" and usually all that is preppy. If you're wearing your letters, she commonly will look down on you. She won't laugh at your jokes (even if they are genuinely funny) and don't bother trying to explain something to her. She loves to wear her 'trendy' non-prep clothing and hang out in the Art building or Architecture studio. She avoids bars such as Brick, and loves to hang out at Skipper's. An anecdote: I once met a friend of a friend while uptown. I asked if she was in a sorority and she replied "No" with a bit of a condescending laugh, then asked if I was in a "frat". I replied yeah, and she gave me a scrunched up face. Even in my drunken state I noticed and asked if there was a problem. Actual quote: "Well, you're probably a douchebag. Frat guys are douchebags". Bitch, just because I'm in fraternity and have confidence does not make me a douche. 

2. The Geed who thinks she's in Sorority:

This one can be normal, but can also be annoying. She wears Sperry's, Lily, Patagonia. She's got Daddy dough. However, she is not in a Sorority. She is only in a "professional fraternity" or one of the other letter-clubs. She talks like rush and pledging are the same as real deal. She may or may not try to make her fraternity seem more legit than your 'social' fraternity. Look, don't get me wrong, I knew a lot of people in professional fraternity's, but they didn't try to make it equal to or greater than being in a 'social' fraternity or sorority. A lot of people are in both. Although, I did know a girl from one of my groups who would not shut the fuck up about "D-Sig's" parties. If I wanted to rage like that, I'd get my drank on in business casual. Oh wait, I did that plenty.

3. The Sorority girl: usual preppy attire, always carrying a Vineyard Vines tote with her letters/insignia on it, chatting about who she will take to the date party/social/semi/formal  Her sub groups:

3a .-The Top Tier Sorority girl: She typically can have a nose up in the air demeanor. Usually very good looking. However there are some duffs or mulligans that got in because they are a legacy, wealthy, or they have the 'attitude'. "I only party with top tier fraternities". Wearing your letters is a conversation starter, and frequently a deal breaker in her eyes. Doesn't expect to pay for many drinks when she's uptown. She's trying to get her Mrs degree.

3b. -Middle/Not Top Tier Girl: Her looks can range from Plan D to Smokeshow. Fella's: There is always at least 1 or 2 babes in each sorority. Trust me. These girls can be smug to those who are "Top Tier" (male or female), and are aware of how they stack up to the other Sororities. Oppositely, they can be naive or just don't care about how they, for lack of better words, 'measure up' to the other sororities. They can be a lot nicer and more real than the other girls. They are humble, fun to rage with, and aren't complete skanks. 

4. Daddy's Hedgefund Baby:

She wears everything that is 'prep'; 'Vines, 20 pairs of Sperry's, pearls, Norts on Norts on Norts. Drives a Range Rover. Doesn't care if guys buy her drinks because she's already started a frat-tab. Some of these girls are absurdly wealthy, and they know it. Anything goes wrong, she's on the phone with her father. Refuses to venture into Walmart. Always drinking a Fiji water. Others are much more low key about their bank account.

5. The Female Frat-Star (hooks a lot of dudes, talks like a bro, drinks nothing but light beer and whiskey, neon, pinnies, bonging, wayfarers)

She's at every fraternity party, she's in the frat-castle more than you are (fratrat), she started day drinking before you. Neon snapback, wayfarers, pinnie, red solo cup in hand. This girl's goal is to drink like the boys. Always the one asking if you want to bong or shotgun a beer, and will promptly call you a pussy if you don't. She likes to call you "dude" and "Bro". Really fun to party with. Usually not one you'd like to be in a relationship with due to their attributes and habits paralleling a dudes. At night, she's on the hunt for a dance floor makeout or a hookup. 

6. Blackout Betty:

She doesn't drink to have fun. She already is having fun. She drinks to rage, and her goal is blackout. She "doesn't drink beer", only liquor. She's the girl falling over and lying in the grass during the day drinking parties.She drank half a bottle of vodka by herself during the late afternoon pregame and got dressed hammered, resulting in some hotmess/slutty mashup. She already has her heels off to walk uptown. She insists on going to Brick and nowhere else will suffice. She is screaming every lyric to every top 40 song. She insists she's not drunk as she struggles to look you in the eye with her own glazed over and wandering eyes. She's already ordering another round of shots after everyone just took one. Rude to the bartenders. Making out with some rando as she's falling off her barstool. Adversly, if she's not getting any, no one else is; the worst cockblock. This also coincides with how she usually has to go home early because she's in close proximity of blackout, and she's taking everyone of the girlfriends with her. 

7. The Athlete

She's in good shape. Maybe even in better shape than you. She could be a 6'2" baller or a 5'3" field hockey chick. Miami gear on most days; Varsity jackets, warmups, sweats, athletic kicks. Some don't seem entirely interested in the male species. Depending on the season, she may be non-existent in the class you have with her. Probably won't see her uptown all that often, and if they are, odds are they'll be borderline sober.

8. The Exchange Student

Miami has been trying to expand its diversity over the past decade or so. As a result, there are a small subculture of foreign kids in Oxford. How they can be spotted: never speaking up in class, accents so thick you thought they are speaking jibberish, umbrellas in sunny weather, engaging in an awkward hybrid of walking and jogging to make it to class or catch the bus, hanging out in large groups, frequent residents of King (even on the weekend). Some are very friendly, others not so much. Another anecdote: I had a marketing class with a handful of french kids. One girl always dressed like a straight up hipster, and she acted like she was better than the American students. French stereotype much? One day in class, I answered a non-yes/no question (pretty well, I might add), and this bitch had the audacity to address me specifically and bluntly say "No, you are wrong." This is about the time I wanted to beat her with a baguette. So I simply replied "No, I am correct, Mademoiselle". Don't take shit from those snooty foreigners. Befriend the smart ones in difficult classes.

-Brofessor PostGrad

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Post-Grad Homecoming

It's Tuesday morning. I just slid into my chair at my desk at work. Still a little out of it from the weekend, but I still have a shit eating grin on my face. As you all know, this weekend was Homecoming at good ole Miami. Being a recent Alum, I obviously had to venture back to the Oxford bubble for some celebrating and questionable decisions.

     Friday during work was an absolute crawl. Time moved slower than a high turtle. I battled this by downloading 3LAU's rage mixtape "Dance Floor Filth", and partied in my head for the majority of the day. I got anxious about missing festive drinking, and got the nod to duck out half an hour early. I'm considerably lucky to not have crossed paths with Johnny Law on my drive, due to my speed fluctuating between 80 and 90mph. Sadly I arrived too late to participate in beat the clock. Refusing to be downtrodden about this, I raised my chin, grabbed a two liter of coke, a trusty handle of Maker's Mark, and set forth to catch up with my bro's and hoes. Playing catch up actually turned into the equivalent of getting a golden mushroom in Mario Kart, because I blew past my friends. My girlfriend and I hadn't planned on dressing up, but in my drunken state, I suddenly became insistent on putting a costume together. The result: Marty McFly from Back to the fucking Future. To me, I looked awesome. Not sure what other people thought... Anyways, we ventured back uptown. I saw a kid dressed as Santa with a hawaiian shirt on, and felt the need to harass him. Drunken stroke of genius/not exactly clever: "Go back to delivering presents in Hawaii you fuck!". Wen't to my Fraternity's halloween party. I asked a younger brother to snag me a couple brews, but he said "Dude, we already ran out" (I wasn't too surprised, it was way too crowded). Although, he then said "But I have this-" and held up a handle of vodka and a 2 liter of Sprite. Thus, vodka to the face commenced. Repeatedly. 

     Sometime later: Uptown. Brick's line: #ThingsLongerThanKimsMarriage (how pop-culturally relevant of me). 45 was next choice. Bar was a zoo. Bartender saw me, Yelled "Marty McFly?" to which I drunkenly gave him a thumbs up. His reply "One of my favorite movies, man. First rounds on me". Success. Lost track of time. Brick followed, and didn't last long. I ran into my grandbig, and bought him, my girlfriend, and myself shots of straight whiskey. I'm pretty sure I told her Jim or Makers. We threw back the shots and I instantly knew something was wrong. 1. The shot was neither Makers, Jim, or even Jack. It was fucking Old Crow. The bitch swindled me. That shot went down rougher than a sandpaper handjob. 2. My stomach was not feeling that shot. My girlfriend took one look at me and said "We need to go". I agreed, I felt like shit and it was almost closing time. On our way out of Skybox, the girlfriend stops abruptly and says "Hold on one sec", turns, and proceeds to throw up in the corner. This took me by surprise, and I said "What the fuck" and looked around to see if anyone had noticed. I turned to check back on her and she went boof round two. At this point my stomach tapped out of the battle, and I followed suit. Couples vomming. How romantic. After this, the show wen't black.

     Saturday morning. I wake up and see an empty Gatorade bottle and a bottle of advil. I felt great. My girlfriend must have went into caring shacker mode, and I was feeling the benefits. We all decided to head to brick to watch some college ball and put down some trashcans of the alcoholic variety. As you can imagine, this went swimmingly. Intoxicated conversations: with friends about post-grad life. With people I've had group projects with. With people I'd only met once before. Acting like best friends with mere acquaintances. Enter extreme hunger. The resolve: Bagel & Deli. Standard. Not so standard: taking said bagels back to Brick and eating at the bar whilst drinking a trashcan. Why had I never done this before? 

     We left Brick to go watch the OSU game at my buddy's girlfriend's. We played pong, (I'm not gonna lie and say I was running train like some douche. I'll say I was drunkenly playing like shit, but winning barely). My buddy knocked over a cup and spilled beer all over the wooden floor. I kind of just stood there are stared at the pool of brew. All of a sudden, Pocohontas came running out of one of the bedrooms. The equation in my head: Running drunk Pocohontas + Unnoticed spilled beer puddle = Pocohontas eating shit. What happened: Same equation, but the feather haired girl ate shit and also fell into the beer pong table. Every cup was overturned, including my Bourbon and Coke side-cup. I yelled "Aw shit, the alcohol!" and checked all the cups for remnants. This is about the time I realized I'm an asshole, because she was on the floor, damp with beer and apparently crying. Woops. She ran back into her room. I felt bad, until she went drama queen mode and was even quoted saying "It's the end of the world". Aw Shiieet, Girl. Buckeyes upset the Badgers, we went nuts, mass alcohol consumption followed. Luckily swooped a ride uptown from a sober friend. Too many people were there for the whip, so one brave Bro rode trunk. Brick Street again. Nothing interesting that I can remember or what my friends told me happened here. We left because my girlfriend said, and I quote, "I don't feel so good. The bass is so loud. The bass is making my stomach hurt." Jesus, Woman. I remember 3 things after. 1. Leaving the doors of Brick. 2. Peeing in clear view of some skankily-clad chicks. 3. Eating chicken strips with honey and bbq. Lots and lots of honey and bbq.

Briefly, Things I Missed (and You probably will too): 

-Daydrinking. It's a lot harder to participate in mass day drinking activities out of college.

-Everyone dressing well

-Trashcans

-Being able to walk everywhere within reasonable distance while drunk

Briefly, Things I Didn't Miss Terribly: 

-How crowded Brick gets on the weekends/the line of Brick on the weekends

-When girls barge in on you when you're in one of the Skybox bathrooms

-Bumping into ex's everywhere

I need some more coffee.

-Brof.


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Insight into A PostGrad Gentleman’s Liquor Cabinet

           A familiar scenario: It’s Friday. You’re waking up between noon and one pm. If you’re doing things correctly, you skipped your Friday college curriculars or you scheduled so you don’t have them. Tonight you’re planning on doing a solid pregame with your bros and a couple of the sorosties from across the street. In the kitchen you have…

1) Natty’s. Standard. Expected. Actually, I’m surprised you still have some left over from last night.

2) Nothing else. You can’t quit while you’re ahead, because you’re already behind. Hell, you ate shit hopping the first hurdle.

         You wake up your housemates to go grab some McDoubles and then head to the liquor store. Here in lies the question: What should we buy? Here is a short guide of various alcoholic beverages (some you probably haven’t tried) for multifarious situations so you look more like a stud and less like a clown.

Be able to distinguish oneself from the crowds of mediocrity. 

-Beer. An essential in a collegiate household (or a normal one) at all times. Despite popular belief, light beer isn’t good or appropriate at all times. “Bro, I drink frat water like it’s my job”. I’m sure you do. We all do or did. Over time your beer taste buds will mature, like that awkward chick in 8^th grade who ended up being a mega babe senior year of high school.

            Natty: I don’t really need to explain this. Useful in most party situations. However, Natty is cheap and it tastes like it.

            Harp Lager: A pretty damn good beer. Heavier than light beers obviously. Start with this before you move to shittier brew.

            Sam Adams Summer Ale: Yeah, it’s essentially a ‘lemonade beer’, but it’s not too sugary. Citrus flavors but still has a beer taste. Have your woman grab a couple while she’s making you a ham sandwich and bring them out to the boat. (This is sexist, just kidding. Kind of.)

            Kentucky Bourbon Barrel Ale: This beer is aged in decanted bourbon barrels. It’s absolutely delicious. A complete frat beer. High alcohol at 8%. This is for special occasions and for sipping during football games, (college games in my preference). Bit expensive at around $12 for 4 bottles.

-Bourbons and Whiskey’s. I’ll reiterate from my last post: Rum is the less cool little brother of these two. A Captain and Coke is okay every once and a while I suppose. “Bro, I chug Admiral Nelson like I’m dehydrated”. Cool. Are you 17 in a basement party? I didn’t think so. BW’s (bourbon whiskeys) just have a more distinct flavor, and are definitely classier.

            Old Crow: Just kidding, get the fuck out of here with this crap.

            Jim Beam Red Stag: I was at first a little turned off by this considering Jim Beam decided to use Kid Rock as it’s ambassador (Bawitaba bourbon…?). However, it’s quite tasty. Black Cherry flavor infused, and it can be drank comfortably on the rocks. Bomb with Coke. Great pregaming ammo considering it’s only 80 proof.

            Wild Turkey American Honey: Another pseudo-bourbon whiskey. Pretty sweet, not as harsh as the aforementioned ‘Stag. Can be drank on the rocks, or mixed great with ginger ale or sprite. Nice change up from normal BW’s.

            Maker’s Mark: Probably my favorite Whisky (yes, spelling is correct in this case). Caramel-ish taste with a pretty damn smooth finish. All around good stuff, very reliable. A bit stronger at 90 proof. A staple in a distinguished fraternity man’s alcohol lineup. Pro Tip: Try Maker’s Mark 46: stronger than the basic and has a more potent lingering finish. Drank a big double of this on the rocks last week and it got me moderately loose.

            Knob Creek: This stuff is strong. Good, full-bodied, and strong. At 100 proof, fill a flask of this and you will feel it, Champ. If you’re feeling risky, give the Knob Creek Single Barrel Reserve a try. It’s a whopping 120 proof.

            Basil Hayden’s Bourbon: This is the real deal. Top shelf Bourbon for a top shelf kind of guy. This is definitely for special occasions, such as formal, or the tailgate against a rival school. It’ll set you back a bit more than most. “Overpriced”, some may cry. Yeah, maybe if you can’t tell it’s good. Or if you’re a biggity bitch. However, your lady friend’s father will be impressed this is part of your BW repertoire and that it’s on your shelf.

*(I left out some obvious ones, e.g. Jack. I know you’ve had Jack, Bro. Everyone and their high school sophomore little brother have had it. It’s not one of my favorites is all)

Scotch: “And hurry up. All I’ve had today is like, six gummy bears and some scotch.” –Archer; Also Ron Burgundy’s favorite.

Auchentoshan Single Malt Scotch: I don’t drink much Scotch yet, but my grandpa did, and he spoke of this. It’s pretty good, albeit pricey. Rob Roy anyone? You don’t know what that is, again? C’mon, man.

Johnnie Walker: more accessible and a respectable bottle.

Gin:

            Bombay Sapphire: Clean and tasty, considering I’m not a huge gin guy. Wide mix of flavors in one.

            Tanqueray: My mother likes this. She has good taste. Only had it once a while back.

*You need gin for a Tom Collins. You don’t know what a Tom Collins is? “You rack disciprine”. Go look it up.

Vodka: I don’t like vodka. But if I have to drink it, I’d prefer it to be top notch.

            Ciroc: Vodka I actually like. Somewhat expensive (~$40). Get this for your formal date. PS- It’s not Diddy’s vodka you noobs. He’s just the brand ambassador.

Tequila: It makes me vomit. Blacked out twice hardcore (I do NOT throw around the “blackout” term frequently and/or loosely) on it, and I’ve stayed away.

           

Take my advice, or don’t. You’d be smart if you did. If I come visit Brick and I see one of you dudes drinking a vodka cranberry, I’m going to pull a Farva and punchasize your face for free.

-The Brofessor

Syllabus Week With Brofessor PostGrad

My name is Brofessor PostGrad, and I’ve been where you are. I graduated this past May, and now I’m back to give you insight into the life of a Post Grad bro.

Sandy Brofax beat me to the punch, but only partially, and in a good way. He pretty much nailed the Freshman crash course post. I’m going to corroborate with his lesson in the evolution of Miami living. Mind you, the rest of my posts probably won’t be this long. This may sound a bit like a brochure. Yes, possibly, but a brochure you should keep with you like a freshman with a campus map.  So don’t even think about bitching, and enlighten yourselves. 

A few things I would add to Freshman year:

·   Rush. End of story. It was the best decision of my collegiate career.

-Lots of bros much like yourself.

-Ballin asset for networking. “Hey Jim, I noticed you were a __ __ __ , I’m one at Miami currently”

-Lot’s of sexy sorority chicks. Tons. Of. Babes.

-At Miami there’s an old adage: you are either Greek, Athlete, or Geek.

·   Try out for a club sport at Miami. It’ll make you just a bit cooler if you make it, Champ.

-another group of bros, stay fit without trying really, ladies love an athlete, (Jersey Chasers. Need I say more.)

·   Relationships coming into college: Don’t do it, Bud. I made that mistake. I missed out on a lot of bro time, parties, meeting new people.

“But I have guaranteed sex on the weekends, Dude”

Shut up, Rook. It’s not worth staying in a relationship that is slowing your climb up the Miami ladder. That may sound shallow, but you’ll see.

·   As queer as this sounds, get sick grades your freshman year. That’s your goddamn rock. Many of you may say “oh, I’m too frat to care”. Shut the fuck up. If your grades blow, you won’t be rushing anyways in January. Nobody likes a cocky Geed.

Sophomore Year:

·   Live in the Fraternity house. At the end of a drunken, sweaty Brick night, your lady friend isn’t going to want to walk back to a dorm. She wants to go to the Frat Castle. You’ll feel like a boss when you walk in with a smokeshow.

·   Make buddy buddy with the bartenders/doormen. You’re probably still under 21, which means you won’t be buying a lot of drinks at the bar otherwise. Along with this, try to talk to Will (owner of Brick, Will’s Pizza, etc) when you see him. He’s a cool dude, and when he’s working the bar he’ll hook you free/extra shots frequently.

·   “Oh no, what am I gonna do for beer if I’m not at the bar?” Pro Tip: Order from the Den. When we did, they wouldn’t card much of the time.

·   Go on spring break. Grab a bunch of your bros and a bunch of your female friends. We went to Panama City Beach, and it was a SHITSHOW. No need to worry about drinking age on the beach, so chill out.

·   Watch out if you are talking to or hooking up with more than one girl in a sorority. That’s a dangerous game, my bros. But hey, maybe you’re Kenny Loggins, and you’re on the highway to the danger zone.

Junior Year:

·   Live in a sweet house or apartment off campus. If you live in a dorm, that’s super geed. I had a house that was on Vine (which isn’t terrible) but we had a front and back yard which was clutch for when we threw down.

·   You’ll turn 21 this year probably. Congrats. If not, sucks to suck. Avoid being your younger friends’ alchy bitch (always running to Spirits or the Den). “Hey can you go grab me a couple cases?” Yeah, if I can hook up with your sister.

·   With that being said, familiarize yourself with the 21 and Up bars. Make these your kingdoms. “What were your favorites?”

1. Three Trees is the shit. That was my favorite spot. No stupid freshman, very chill atmosphere, cute servers, and they play the same music as they do at the other bars. Tini Tuesday: myriad of females, Martini’s are 5 bucks, (Order it in a whiskey glass. Save yourself some dignity fellas) bucket of beer $10
2. Skybox is a great place to get drunktaneous. It’s acceptable there.
3. Top Deck is a great place to escape Skybox to chill out at the tail end of the night.

·   Guys, you should be buying one of a few select drinks: Beer (tall natty draft), Whiskey and Coke (rum is for freshman), Vodka Redbull (only if you need a pick me up), Mind Probe or Trashcan/Recycle Bin. “I like cranberry vodkas.” NO. The only time you should order those is when they’re for the blond bomb hanging on your shoulder.

·   Go on another sick spring break.

·   For God sakes, do something boss over the summer. You’re gonna just lay out by the bay all day, all summer? Well that’s pretty cool…and lazy, you shit head. Get an internship and go Kenny Fucking Powers CEO on everyone’s ass.

Senior Year:

·   Go out 3-4 nights a week roughly first semester. Second semester, take a rest on Sunday night. Or Funday the fuck out of Sunday, and chill out Monday. “I can’t do that, that’s too much.” Sack the fuck up. It’s like telling a virgin: It’ll hurt at first, but then it gets awesome.

·   Day drink. A lot. Even in between classes. Before group meetings. Sometimes these get in the way of fun. You’ll receive these texts/emails: “Hey, sorry, we had to change the group meeting from 2 to 5:30.” Are you shitting me, you over-achieving… Just gotta give them the ole fuck you sometimes.

·   Sun’s out, guns out? Not quite. Sun’s out, pitchers of natty out. Skips, Brick.

·   Live in an even better house or apartment than last year. We had a house on Main Street a block from uptown. Clutch. Throw copious amounts of parties.

·   Go on a bunch of bar crawls. Blackout mandatory. Good stories will result. Try a ‘Bar Golf’ bar crawl; it adds an element of competition. “What’s bar golf?” I’m slightly disappointed. Go ask someone.

·   Start your job search early. It will make things easier later.

·   At this point in your Miami career, I think it’s acceptable to settle down with a serious girlfriend. You’ve played the college field, met a lot of different kinds of chicks, and you know what you’re looking for, for the most part. I did, and we’re still together.

·   Go on an awesome spring break. Drink Heavily. We went to Fort Meyers, and the percentage of the time I was sober would lead you to believe I should attend AA.

·   Go out during your finals week. “I have exams.” No shit, Chief. But you wouldn’t have to worry about those if you already had a job on lock.

·   “What about graduation day? Isn’t that like, depressing?” Get frat drunk on graduation day. Everyone does. Even the Grandparents.

Yes, that was my bit of advice for all years. I’m sure I missed some stuff. It was getting long regardless.

Brofessor PostGrad