All Hallows Eve is by far my favorite holiday; you get to dress slutty, eat candy, and sleep around with no judgment. It’s actually encouraged to go drink and not spend any time bonding with your family. I’d like to see that encouraged on Easter Sunday. To make Halloween last as long as possible I put together a little scavenger hunt. This should be an entertaining game as you gaze out your window hung over as fuck this weekend. It’s easy to spot these girls from a mile away; it’s as if a Ke$ha and Michael Jackson are shooting a music video on your street. They are the display of glitter, TV stars, and lady Gagas taking the walk of shame. You’ve been waiting for this all month, every girl you know has Halloweenorexia and every guy’s planning Halloweenigans. Best of all, the amount of walkers quadruples, who didn’t go home with some slut in a fairy costume last night? Here’s a short list of what you should be on the lookout for. Hell, let’s turn it into a drinking game and rally our hearts out, Oxford.
1. Superwoman- Growing popularity in tight, spandex, whortastic superhero costumes ensures you’ll see all the marvel heroes you whacked the ham to in sixth grade. Check it off early and take a shot.
2. Loud, obnoxious male costumes. These guys are the ones that strike out at the bar every week. They think dressing as a gynecologist or giant boob is hilarious and the key to going home with the unsuspecting blacked out girl from their history class. Don’t drink to this, just throw something at him and call him a GDI.
3. Token ugly chick. The girl who wore so much make-up and a costume fitted to all the right places to finally get laid by someone decently attractive. Morning come the dude sobered up and kicked her the fuck out. Take two shots for this one, one for you and one for that poor schmuck.
4. Alumni, its homecoming after all. It has to be clear this is a walk of shame. Leaving a dorm or house disheveled removes all doubt. If you happen to see an alumni in costume twitpic it to us and we’ll give you a shot. Not really, but we’d still like to see it.
5. The hot chick that you aren’t really sure if it’s a costume or she just dresses like a slut. She’s attractive, wearing a trendy, flattering outfit, and clearly on the walk of shame. She keeps her head high like the seasoned veteran that she is. Take a shot if you’ve bagged her, otherwise let her pass like a champ.
6. The creative costume. God help you if these people got laid and you didn’t. They are wearing some outrageously bulky “clever” outfit that usually involves a lot of cardboard. You have no clue how they maneuvered around a party or bar without getting the shit beaten out of them let alone finding someone who’d bang them. Seriously, how did they pee in that monstrosity? More importantly, how’d you end up alone if they still scored? Take a shot out of disgrace if this one applies to you.
7. Me, you’d better believe I’m not going home alone. If I see you taking a shot, I’ll wave and think you’re a sterile geriatric fuck who failed to complete the sole task of every male celebrating Halloween. Better luck next year.
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| You both look terrible. You were made for each other. |
Happy Hunting Bitches!
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