Ding Dong the Bitch is Back.

          I know I've been fairly off the radar since heading off to Ireland to be a professional at life but worry not my little skanks, the bitch is back. After trudging drunkenly through Ginger Island for the last three months I've realized how much I miss the land of the brave and more specifically Oxvegas. What have I been missing specifically you ask? (If you didn't ask quite frankly I don't give a fuck you're going to read what I have to say and you're going to like it.)

Ding, Dong, the Bitch is Back. 

1. Townies: Having a population of toothless individuals to boost your self confidence on a regular basis is a gift. I've learned to truly appreciate our creepy little townie community, plus they're slightly less aggressive than Ireland townies also referred to as gypsies..they're real, and they're horrifying. Fun fact, there is a real life gypsy king and unfortunately he wouldn't lend me his tears. 

2. Shenanigans: I rely quite heavily on the idiocy of my peers at Miami to keep me entertained. Going throughout life for the last ninety days without a Police Beat has been northing short of traumatic. 

3. McCullough-Hyde aka Mc Kill em and Hide em: Maybe this is just me, but I miss the hospitable staff of McCullough-Hide hospital. I would imagine since I provide them with drunken entertainment at least once every three months the nurses are probably assuming I've gone and drank myself to death..or something less depressing. Luckily Halloween is coming up so there's still time for me to make an appearance. Stumbling into the hospy dressed up in some sort of whore-like attire should probably do the trick. 

4. King Lib: Ohhh yes, I miss this place. I can't wait to frequent King Library strictly for socializing purposes. I can't tell you the last time I actually did work in this place but fuck serve me up a 500 calorie Starbucks mocha (Ya..they are actually 500 calories in those so remember that ladies next time you're guzzling one down and thinking "oh my goddd i like totes can't lose any weight" It's because you're basically drinking lard) and I'll sit there all damn day pretending to do work.

          Heed my warning..be careful bitches because I'm coming back, and I'm ready to rant my ass off. So next time you decide to take a drunken tumble down the stairs at brick street and cry about it just remember..I'm probably 1. at the bar taking a starry night shot, laughing at you, and judging you mercilessly and 2. going to write about it and make you sound about a thousand times worse than actuality. So stay pretty Miami.