Ok Bros, so let’s be honest: 10 am classes suck, 9 am classes suck harder, and anyone who actually goes to their 8 am classes should just be labeled Little Miss Fucking Sunshine. But, hey sometimes these things are just unavoidable. Now, for most of the day, I look almost exactly like a sex god that just walked out of a Polo add. But bitch please, I’m not going to get my sorry ass out of bed early enough to look nice for anything that starts before noon.Regardless, most of the time I do prefer to hide the bed head, and so I might as well look good while doing it. (And there are other times when it is nice to be wearing a hat too) so, here is the countdown of top 10 things to put on your head:
Number 9: Disgusting old piece of shit hat
I have this old Yankees hat that I have had since my head was physically large enough to fit in to a normal hat size; this hat used to be Navy blue, but because of the blood, sweat, and tears (and more sweat) that have come out of my body whilst I have been wearing this hat have made it a light blue/tan-ish kind of color.
Number 8: The Camo Hat
This is possibly the best way to go to class looking uber-masculine; the only way to look more like a complete stud is to pull a Dick Chaney and take a shotgun to all of the squirrels on campus. Ten bonus points if its a Longhorns or Bass Pro Shop hat. Or 'Bama. Roll tide.
Number 7: Classic Flatty
The kind with the tag still on and a proof of purchase sticker. Do not attempt to wear this hat unless THIS is you. Sorry girls, not for you.
Number 6: Captain’s hat
Nothing says I am the MFIC (and for those of you that don't know that: the Mother Fucker In Charge) like looking like you belong at the top of your yacht shouting orders and drinking a scotch. (I wore one uptown once… so many drinks, so few I actually paid for. and I got called Captain all night. Fuck the Dos Equis bro, I even looked better than the Old Spice guy. Unbeatable.)
Number 5: Green Beer Day Hat
Represent.
Number 4: Washington Capitals Hat
Nobody (regardless of where you are from) should feel ashamed to where the hat of the 2011 Stanly Cup winner… (Laughter) and at least it’s not the Penguins this year.
Number 3: [product placement] College Bar Hats from the College Shack /Polo Hat
Brogina, you’re a girl, you should love this. Either one is a Miami classic.
Number 2: The Natty Hat
Natty + Hat = Happy… granted, this hat usually comes before the bed head, not after.
Number 1: The White Snap-Back
The God-Damn-Holy-Grail of all hats. The Shit, no doubt about it. You should not be considered a Miami Bro if you don’t have one of these. PS- I only endorse this guy’s hat.
Number 10: MY hat.This hat is just ballin, but let’s be honest, I’m probably the only person that can pull it off, so I can’t justify putting it in the top 5.
I have this old Yankees hat that I have had since my head was physically large enough to fit in to a normal hat size; this hat used to be Navy blue, but because of the blood, sweat, and tears (and more sweat) that have come out of my body whilst I have been wearing this hat have made it a light blue/tan-ish kind of color.
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| Note: This is not me, this is not my hat. This kids hat is just gross. So is that 'stache. Sicko. |
Number 8: The Camo Hat
This is possibly the best way to go to class looking uber-masculine; the only way to look more like a complete stud is to pull a Dick Chaney and take a shotgun to all of the squirrels on campus. Ten bonus points if its a Longhorns or Bass Pro Shop hat. Or 'Bama. Roll tide.
Number 7: Classic Flatty
The kind with the tag still on and a proof of purchase sticker. Do not attempt to wear this hat unless THIS is you. Sorry girls, not for you.
Number 6: Captain’s hat
Nothing says I am the MFIC (and for those of you that don't know that: the Mother Fucker In Charge) like looking like you belong at the top of your yacht shouting orders and drinking a scotch. (I wore one uptown once… so many drinks, so few I actually paid for. and I got called Captain all night. Fuck the Dos Equis bro, I even looked better than the Old Spice guy. Unbeatable.)
Number 5: Green Beer Day Hat
Represent.
Number 4: Washington Capitals Hat
Nobody (regardless of where you are from) should feel ashamed to where the hat of the 2011 Stanly Cup winner… (Laughter) and at least it’s not the Penguins this year.
Number 3: [product placement] College Bar Hats from the College Shack /Polo Hat
Brogina, you’re a girl, you should love this. Either one is a Miami classic.
Number 2: The Natty Hat
Natty + Hat = Happy… granted, this hat usually comes before the bed head, not after.
Number 1: The White Snap-Back
The God-Damn-Holy-Grail of all hats. The Shit, no doubt about it. You should not be considered a Miami Bro if you don’t have one of these. PS- I only endorse this guy’s hat.
Agreed. Ha. Napoleon is a Yankees fan too. Kid's lucky I found out about his allegiances after we hired him...
ReplyDeleteThese are generally the winning teams. Thus, they are the ones that I identify with most.
ReplyDelete1. i agree with the "fuck the caps." statement, whoever's responsible for that comment really has a way with words.
ReplyDelete2. the yanks..don't make me even go there.
3. the sjs flat brim accompanied by damn it feels good to be a gangsta..fucking perfection. i mean i could never wear it because i'd look like a make a wish kid but i def approve for the bro's.