Four Things You Want to Find on an Easter Egg Hunt

         The Easter egg hunt is one of my favorite ridiculous traditions that I've embraced as a Catholic. My mom hid eggs around our house every Easter until I left for college, even after my older brother went to college (more candy and money for me, bitch). I never complained about having to wake up early for church brunch as long as I got to spend the rest of the day casually coming upon eggs filled with candy and/or (preferably) money. Although half the fun was counting and comparing how many eggs my brother and I got, (Winner got bragging rights and half the other's take. Immature? I don't fucking care) I didn't mind searching solo. However, I've become a believer in the adult collegiate version of the Easter egg hunt. We've compiled a list of the four faithful things that we'd want to find on an Easter egg hunt on this holiest of holy days. Granted the things on this list won't exactly be hard to spot. 

The Classic, Painted Nattys:

So much variation. Such dedication. Devout Catholics without a doubt. 

The girls who painted these nattys could probably paint one impressive cooler too. 

Easter Themed Cooler:

Get those natty painting girls to slap on a few polka dots and this bitch is in full Easter mode.  

Take that shit one step further. Fuck looking for individual nattys, I want to find a pimped out pastel cooler stocked to the brim. Way better than an Easter basket. And yes, I used the term 'pimped out' for the sake of alliteration. Although this baby may or may not bring down the class level of your champagne brunch. 

Antique Porsche:

On any other day I'd rather have any other color but for Jesus, I'll suffer the baby blue. 

   I'm a sucker for antique cars. I've come to terms with the fact that I'm going to be one of those old guys who invests in three things: stock, cigars and old cars, not a bad lifestyle in my opinion. So I wouldn't mind finding this pastel beauty hidden around the yard. 

"Easter" Bunny:

We had to. (And she wouldn't look bad riding shotgun in that baby blue Porsche)

          In all seriousness, have a good Easter and try not to fall asleep in church. Also try to avoid looking like you came out of the Easter bunny's ass and keep the pastels to minimum. Now I'm going to eat an inappropriate number of Reese's eggs for how early in the morning it is.