Gems - THAT BALL DON'T LIE

          God bless Rasheed Wallace. The Knicks are fun as fuck to watch this year (I know, that's something I never thought I'd say either) and Wallace is just one of the reasons.  Aside from Bart Scott's "feels great, can't wait," my favorite thing to work into casual conversation is "ball don't lie." You obviously know Austin Rivers left Duke (prematurely, in my obviously not humble opinion) to go pro and was drafted by the Hornets. Rasheed is just making sure Doc's son feels welcome and included in the NBA with his classic "ball don't lie!" taunt during this missed free throw. Skip to 00:24 for the shot. 

GEMS: To The Face

          My intent is to highlight an NFL player of the week each post however this couldn’t be ignored. Ian Rapoport deserves a little attention ladies and gents. This is good old Ian’s first season with the NFL network, and I have to say I’m impressed. After getting bopped in the face with a football on live television he handles himself like a total pro..

Did we just see that football Ian? Yes. We saw it. 

          I told you to check out the Texans vs. Packers. Betch don’t lie. Anyway on a lighter note here are some ridiculous NFL moments to make Monday feel a little less like a semi-invasive procedure. 

Peace and Blessings.

-Brogina George 

Gems: Greatest Sports Center Ad Ever?

ESPN may worship Tebow more than Timmy loves Jesus and ignore the entire sport of hockey but there is one thing they've always done right; their ads. This one is pure gold. This is John fucking Clayton. This is Sports Center. 

Gems - Ovi, The Next Gr8 Rapper?

          Now we know why Ovi has been having a relatively subpar season, he's been perfecting his rap game. The man lives with his mother, is one of the greatest players the NHL has ever seen AND just drops verses in Russian rap videos? The man does it all. He lays out his verse at 2:55 but check the 1:21 mark for some rhythmic gymnastics, 2:19 for something I can only call, "Happy Ovi" and 2:49 for some mini Russian making a face that deserves to be shared with the world. Cheers

          (And just for kicks, here's an old french hip-hop song whose chorus is literally translated to, "put on your hood." Fucking Frenchies.)

The Best Thing About The NBA Being Back? THIS.

This is a GEM of a commercial for the return on the NBA aired by TNT. Chills for days. 

Gems - Miami Girls, All 8 of Them

"OMG guys, you have to read this book.
It, like, changed my life." 

Miami: Home to a generally good looking student population, emphasis on the female side. It was one of the contributing factors to chose Miami as my institution, (just kidding. But seriously.) All you hear about is how Miami is home to preppy ladies, however, not all of the chicks in Oxford are the same. Here is a list of the types of girls you will meet at our great school:

1. The Geed:

She's not into the Greek scene. She scoffs at everything "frat" and usually all that is preppy. If you're wearing your letters, she commonly will look down on you. She won't laugh at your jokes (even if they are genuinely funny) and don't bother trying to explain something to her. She loves to wear her 'trendy' non-prep clothing and hang out in the Art building or Architecture studio. She avoids bars such as Brick, and loves to hang out at Skipper's. An anecdote: I once met a friend of a friend while uptown. I asked if she was in a sorority and she replied "No" with a bit of a condescending laugh, then asked if I was in a "frat". I replied yeah, and she gave me a scrunched up face. Even in my drunken state I noticed and asked if there was a problem. Actual quote: "Well, you're probably a douchebag. Frat guys are douchebags". Bitch, just because I'm in fraternity and have confidence does not make me a douche. 

2. The Geed who thinks she's in Sorority:

This one can be normal, but can also be annoying. She wears Sperry's, Lily, Patagonia. She's got Daddy dough. However, she is not in a Sorority. She is only in a "professional fraternity" or one of the other letter-clubs. She talks like rush and pledging are the same as real deal. She may or may not try to make her fraternity seem more legit than your 'social' fraternity. Look, don't get me wrong, I knew a lot of people in professional fraternity's, but they didn't try to make it equal to or greater than being in a 'social' fraternity or sorority. A lot of people are in both. Although, I did know a girl from one of my groups who would not shut the fuck up about "D-Sig's" parties. If I wanted to rage like that, I'd get my drank on in business casual. Oh wait, I did that plenty.

3. The Sorority girl: usual preppy attire, always carrying a Vineyard Vines tote with her letters/insignia on it, chatting about who she will take to the date party/social/semi/formal  Her sub groups:

3a .-The Top Tier Sorority girl: She typically can have a nose up in the air demeanor. Usually very good looking. However there are some duffs or mulligans that got in because they are a legacy, wealthy, or they have the 'attitude'. "I only party with top tier fraternities". Wearing your letters is a conversation starter, and frequently a deal breaker in her eyes. Doesn't expect to pay for many drinks when she's uptown. She's trying to get her Mrs degree.

3b. -Middle/Not Top Tier Girl: Her looks can range from Plan D to Smokeshow. Fella's: There is always at least 1 or 2 babes in each sorority. Trust me. These girls can be smug to those who are "Top Tier" (male or female), and are aware of how they stack up to the other Sororities. Oppositely, they can be naive or just don't care about how they, for lack of better words, 'measure up' to the other sororities. They can be a lot nicer and more real than the other girls. They are humble, fun to rage with, and aren't complete skanks. 

4. Daddy's Hedgefund Baby:

She wears everything that is 'prep'; 'Vines, 20 pairs of Sperry's, pearls, Norts on Norts on Norts. Drives a Range Rover. Doesn't care if guys buy her drinks because she's already started a frat-tab. Some of these girls are absurdly wealthy, and they know it. Anything goes wrong, she's on the phone with her father. Refuses to venture into Walmart. Always drinking a Fiji water. Others are much more low key about their bank account.

5. The Female Frat-Star (hooks a lot of dudes, talks like a bro, drinks nothing but light beer and whiskey, neon, pinnies, bonging, wayfarers)

She's at every fraternity party, she's in the frat-castle more than you are (fratrat), she started day drinking before you. Neon snapback, wayfarers, pinnie, red solo cup in hand. This girl's goal is to drink like the boys. Always the one asking if you want to bong or shotgun a beer, and will promptly call you a pussy if you don't. She likes to call you "dude" and "Bro". Really fun to party with. Usually not one you'd like to be in a relationship with due to their attributes and habits paralleling a dudes. At night, she's on the hunt for a dance floor makeout or a hookup. 

6. Blackout Betty:

She doesn't drink to have fun. She already is having fun. She drinks to rage, and her goal is blackout. She "doesn't drink beer", only liquor. She's the girl falling over and lying in the grass during the day drinking parties.She drank half a bottle of vodka by herself during the late afternoon pregame and got dressed hammered, resulting in some hotmess/slutty mashup. She already has her heels off to walk uptown. She insists on going to Brick and nowhere else will suffice. She is screaming every lyric to every top 40 song. She insists she's not drunk as she struggles to look you in the eye with her own glazed over and wandering eyes. She's already ordering another round of shots after everyone just took one. Rude to the bartenders. Making out with some rando as she's falling off her barstool. Adversly, if she's not getting any, no one else is; the worst cockblock. This also coincides with how she usually has to go home early because she's in close proximity of blackout, and she's taking everyone of the girlfriends with her. 

7. The Athlete

She's in good shape. Maybe even in better shape than you. She could be a 6'2" baller or a 5'3" field hockey chick. Miami gear on most days; Varsity jackets, warmups, sweats, athletic kicks. Some don't seem entirely interested in the male species. Depending on the season, she may be non-existent in the class you have with her. Probably won't see her uptown all that often, and if they are, odds are they'll be borderline sober.

8. The Exchange Student

Miami has been trying to expand its diversity over the past decade or so. As a result, there are a small subculture of foreign kids in Oxford. How they can be spotted: never speaking up in class, accents so thick you thought they are speaking jibberish, umbrellas in sunny weather, engaging in an awkward hybrid of walking and jogging to make it to class or catch the bus, hanging out in large groups, frequent residents of King (even on the weekend). Some are very friendly, others not so much. Another anecdote: I had a marketing class with a handful of french kids. One girl always dressed like a straight up hipster, and she acted like she was better than the American students. French stereotype much? One day in class, I answered a non-yes/no question (pretty well, I might add), and this bitch had the audacity to address me specifically and bluntly say "No, you are wrong." This is about the time I wanted to beat her with a baguette. So I simply replied "No, I am correct, Mademoiselle". Don't take shit from those snooty foreigners. Befriend the smart ones in difficult classes.

-Brofessor PostGrad

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Gems - Blaming It On The A-A-A-Adderall

[Disclaimer: We at Miami of Brohio do not condone or encourage....fuck it, party on.]  

There's nothing better than the feeling of a new prescription in your hands after what feels like an extremely long, never ending wait. Personally, I rush to the nearest pharmacy like a little kid at a candy store and pop that script straight in their face with a sparkle in my eye and hope in my heart. 

(Just a side note I used to get mine filled at the Miami U pharmacy but that knew me on a first name basis and I felt like it was time we went our separate ways. It wasn't her, it was me. I miss that cheery eyed broad every day of my life, no one filled that pill bottle like she could. Goddamnit.) 

Walking around with a brand new bottle of adderall in your backpack is like walking around with a pot of gold, I'd imagine. Actually lugging around a pot of gold would be fucking terrible so scratch that comparison and just leave it at this; it feels really really fucking good. Like first date sex good. All of you adderall takers, buyers, and sellers know what I'm referring to and for everyone else you're probably a woman's studies major. Ya I just went there and took you with me. Adderall is taken for a plethora of reasons, one of those reasons is NOT sex. Guys and gals if you're looking to bang bang I recommend you stay far away from this shit. Girls generally don't want anyone speaking to them let alone touching them and it seems to be the dick's kryptonite. 

(Another side note..any girl who gets legit mad at her boyfriend, fuck buddy, etc. for not getting that sail at full mast after popping some adderall should be kicked straight in the baby maker. That's just how I feel about that.)

Partying on this magical, mystical drug allows for hours of endless fun followed by the most extreme and horrifying hang over of your life. Once taken give adderall about 20 minutes, unleash what will ultimately be the biggest dump of your life, and finalize the process by pounding beers. You'll feel like goddamn Ke$ha and there's fucking glitter on the floor or whatever that bitch rambles about. The inevitable is a black out, chances are you will remember absolutely nothing and once you do wake up with a dragon of a hangover you'll get to enjoy a fun game of Nancy Drew. Where am I? Who are you? Where are my clothes? Why are my shoes covered in mud? I went to what bar? I texted them WHAT? It really just progressively gets more fun, and by fun I mean horrifying and shameful. 

Am I saying I'm addicted to adderall? No, I'm merely saying I'm a hug fan of it. HUGE fan. Besides the sweating, irritability, constant bowel movements, and inability to eat anything without gagging it's a gem. Let's just get real kiddos it's time we started blaming it on the A-A-A-Adderall. 

peace out bitches. 

-Brogina George

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Gems - Take Care

Usually I’d hand off music stuff to Notorious B.R.O but I’m calling dibs on this one. Drake’s album Take Care is probably all you’re hearing about. Every tweet, every status update seems to be lyrics from Take Care and I am not complaining. This is B.o.B’s “Airplanes” all over again but with good music. I haven’t stopped listening to it yet and it just keeps growing on me. Now, some people have been calling it soft or whatever but fuck that. Andre 3000 kills it. Rihanna is decent on her track. Plus, I feel like everyone can relate to every fucking song like we’re all middle school chicks acting like “he totally wrote that song, like, FOR ME.” If you say you HAVE stopped listening, you're lying. But I’ll hop off Drake’s dick and let you decide whether its good or not. But if you say that it isn’t, you’re wrong. 


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Gem- Occupy Herbstreit

        Illustrious contributor Sandy Brofax just brought this wonderful, wonderful website to my attention. Just the definition of a gem. It's called "Occupy Herbstreit." If the whole "Occupy" movement wasn't enough of a punchline on it's own, this is just the icing on the proverbial cake (Thank you, Marie Antoinette). I mean, the whole idea is pure gold but each sign is better than the next. And I love the tribute to Wilson Wilson Jr.  Here are a few of my favorite ones, but you can check out the whole site HERE. 

Football's 1% 

Herbstreit's takin' over. 

Bill Cosby as a poster boy for the 1%? 

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Gems - Mustache Rides, Anyone?

          Don't mess with Texas. Derek Holland's mustache was clearly the star of the game last night. Forget his superior skills on the mound, the mustache is the source of all his talent. Cleat chasers lining up for mustache rides left and right. Seriously though, if (when) the Texas Rangers win the World Series only address me as Big Tex (for at least a week). And who saw W throw out that first pitch? Just a liiittle worse than John Lackey, but W probably wasn't throwing back beers in the clubhouse (more like Maker's or Johnny Walker Blue) Stick to golfing, Mr. President. 

Gems - Best Email We've Gotten. Ever

The following is an actual email I got about my search for interns. Nothing has been changed or altered, except the removal of this bro's name to protect the possible future intern. 

"I'm a freshman, but I'd be an intern. I know I wouldn't be able to do anything really important, but I could do anything that you guys needed. I mean, if someone wanted starbucks, I'd go get it. If someone needs me to change a tire on a car, I'll do it. How about a back massage? I can do that too. You need some to do your laundry? I can do that shit like fucking Mary Poppings. And I'm certainly not a proud man. I don't mind doing the stupid shit that inevitably comes from being hazed as a freshman. Just think, I could be like a pledge all year. You want me to wear a green-man suit when I walk uptown to get shit for you? I'm game. Whatever.

I'm sure you're wondering why I would be willing to do idiotic stuff for no money. Well the answer is pretty simple: I'm a freshman. I don't have anything better to do. I go to class, eat and sit in the freshman dorms all day. I need something interesting to do on weekdays. I've been reading your tweets and your blog for the last few weeks, and there's some funny stuff in there. It seems like doing stupid shit for you guys would be better than sitting around. And what would I want in return? Nothing. I'd be willing to do stupid intern stuff just to have something to do. 

I'm sure there are other non-freshmen that would be willing to do stuff like that for free too, but I can guarantee I will do anything they will not. I won't refuse a task. Ever. Disclaimer: I can't be forced to miss classes and no sex shit, that's just fucked up. That's where I draw the line though. Anything else is fair game. Human foot rest? Performing for donations on the street to raise money? Running somewhere for no particular reason? I'm game. So think about it. "

I've already decided this kid is way too eager not to take advantage of, but I'm not sure exactly how to use him. So help me out, does this kid get a spot on the Broster?

Gems - The Broski's: Class of 2011

          Since Andy Miele got robbed at the Espy's (Whatever Jimmer, learn the names of your fellow nominees. Ya dick.) we've decided to have our own awards, The Broski's. These are the gems of all gems. Consider it the Best Of/Greatest Hits for the 2010-2011(school)  year. 

Trebek, introduce the categories:


Entertainment:


Best In Show: Top Gear, (British Version) If you haven't heard of this show, jump on the bandwagon real quick. Not only is the show about deeertay cars, it's hilarious and consistently the best hour of television you'll watch all week. It's not just old british guys talking about antique cars, they do crazy/hysterical driving challenges, test some the sickest cars and are some of the most intelligent and witty guys. The roster of past celebrities on the show is incredible, too. Off the top of my head they've had Mark Wahlberg, Usain Bolt, Sienna Miller, Eric Bana, etc, etc. Just the best show on television. Note: the American version sucks. Every other American attempt before the current one has sucked too. Don't be fooled by cheap imitations.


Best Comedy: The League. I cannot wait for the next season, especially if they use anything about the lockout. Should be gold. Just the best bunch of douche bags on tv. It's Always Sunny was a close second because who doesn't love those scumbags? The Office is an Honorable Mention because without Michael Scott, I'm not sure it can compete with its past self. 


Rookie of the Year: Wilfred. You can't watch more than one episode at a time because it's actually kind of depressing but the concept is hysterical and you don't actually hate Elijah Wood. Check it out on FX (or hulu, obviously) 


Honorable Mentions: Curb and Entourage, Louie, Always Sunny and Game of Thrones. 


Best Movie: The Fighter. Fuck Inception. Ok, well, I actually liked Inception but still. The Fighter wins it hands down. Honestly, Super 8 was close behind. If you didn't like Super 8 then fuck you. It was brilliant. The storyline wasn't groundbreaking, sure, but I fucking loved those kids. I wanted to be 12 and fucking around with my dad's car and filming mysterious shit with my best friends all summer, are you kidding me? Seriously, best group of kids in a movie since The Sandlot. But back to The Fighter. It was so.damn.good. The crazy mom was ridiculous and Mark Wahlberg was Mark fucking Wahlberg. Christian Bale was insanely good too. If you've seen interviews with the real Dicky, its mind-blowing how well Bale nailed the character.  Scary good. Plus, dont fuck with Bruce Wayne. Music in it was dece too. Still haven't seen Bridesmaids so, girls, get off my back. I get that it's hilarious and no doubt better than The Hangover 2, but I just haven't seen it yet, chill. Racking my brain for other recent movies and  I'm coming up with nothing so clearly there were no other gems in theaters. Don't come at me with weak transformers 3, planet of the apes, x-men whatever, or any other over-hyped blockbuster than was mediocre at best because it was made and marketed for 14 year old kids. (Sidenote: Matt Damons having an off year, huh. Hope he shows up to play in this Contagion flick, but doesn't look that promising) 


Sports:


Best Athlete Who Should've Won an ESPY but Got Shafted by a Mormon: Andy Miele, he was a shoe-in for this category. Jimmer had to stop going to class at BYU because of "mobs of students" just trying to get a glimpse of his gumpy mug but let's be honest here. His real name is James but his PARENTS gave him the nickname Jimmer. With genes like that there is no way he's got too much grey matter in that head of his. But whatever, Jimmer is a role model stoodent athaleet compared to Cam Newton, the kid who in his fucking Heisman speech said "my parents did a lot behind the scenes." Ya, Cam, we all fucking read about it for months, thanks for clarifying. Newton will get his show rocked every sunday and that's just fine with me. Alright, who the fuck else was nominated? The Cornell lax kid, Rob Pannell? Sticktap to Cornell lax for getting in there. It's hard out there for a rich, white guy playing college lacrosse. Seriously, ask the UVA and Duke players. And then there's Kemba Walker. But, I'm in Kemba's corner. I was just a big old superfan during march madness and I definitely bought the UCONN natty champions snapback. Honestly wouldn't have been that mad if Kemba won, but hey, he's got the NBA now and I'm sure Mufasa is proud of his son. 


Best Quote: Bart Scott easily wins this with his instant classic, "CAN'T WAIT." NASCAR's "Boys, have at it" comes in a close second though. This shouldn't have even been a category but it might be the most referenced sports related quote thats not from Caddyshack. (For those of you that want to challenge me and say The Sandlot of Miracle or whatever is referenced more, hear this. Someone quotes Caddyshack every fucking hole during every round of golf. Every time without fail. You know how many guys are golfing right now? Yeah, me neither, but it's a fucking lot. Retired fratstars hitting the links a couple times a week, athlete's in the off season, CEOs doing business over a leisurely 18. So yeah, Caddyshack) 


Best Reason to Watch Women's Sports: Team USA/Alex Morgan. Easy choice. UConn can take a back seat. Another thing that shouldn't be a category but no one's talked about a sports bra with such enthusiasm since the last time we all watched women's soccer. In all seriousness, Alex Morgan and Brandi Chastain should get commission or royalties or something every time a sports bra is sold. 


Best Joke Set-Up: Rex Ryan. Done. Tough call for second though, had to go with a tie. A&M not getting a bid from the SEC is just a playground for every bro with enough brains to tell a knock-knock joke but Djokovic's name makes it just as easy to bring home a punchline. 


Most Valuable Player: As a Boston homer I'm disgustingly biased towards the greatest sports city in the world, so take it easy if I'm heavy on the Beantown athletes. But some guys seriously earned their paychecks this year. Mike Vick's impressive turnaround was followed by Rory McIlroy with one of the best comebacks we've seen, Dustin Pedroia started being what Jeter used to be and Timmy fuggin Thawwwmas brought home Lord Stanley to title town. Robinson Cano isn't looking too bad either, guys so smooth. Verlander has teams contemplating forfeiting when they hear he's starting on the mound. Dirk had the worst celly in championship celebration history but the kid can hoop. Probably my favorite German besides every German brewer, ever. But still, he's up there. But as far as overall MVP, I'm gonna have to go with Scott Van Pelt. I don't fucking care that he's not playing sports, he can report your face off. Consistently the most entertaining guy on ESPN and if you don't follow him on twitter you are seriously missing some quality remarks that are 140 characters or less. And if you haven't seen the Fab Five movie from ESPN, check it out because A. it was fantastic and B. SVP was rocking hair back then. 


Around Miami:


Rookie of the Year:  Seaview Outfitters. These guys are legit. If you haven't been inside the new store uptown yet, get there and cop some outdoorsy shit. Not only do they have a legitimately interesting and authentic backstory, they clearly know what the fuck they're doing. The Farmer School of Business taught these grasshoppers well. They've got everything from Vineyard Vines to Columbia, North Face and Osprey plus their own shirts, which are dirty by the way. Everyone from fratstars to die-hard hikers/climbers/outdoorsy kids (whatever the term is) will eat it up. Seriously, check them out. 


Best in Show: Play on words, bitch. Get to Brick Street for some quality live shows. They've already announced two country shows, Chris Young and Justin Moore. So cowboy up, its gonna be a brodeo. They also announced a Taking Back Sunday show, which instantly transported me back to middle school. Love it. Aaand stay tuned for an announcement about a Brohio event.....


MVB: Most Valuable Bros on campus go to the football team who made fucking history. Not just Miami history, but NCAA history. Legendary. Bros better get out to Yager to scream their nuts off for these guys this year. 


Best Scenery: First floor of King Library. I can wait for classes and studying and everything but being at King is never that bad because the view is always so damn good. Get off your high horse and take a ride on the low road with me. You've people watched from the tables too, don't feel bad. King rarely fails to produce some talent so who wants to hit the books and get facey? 

Gems - Best Catch of the All-Star Break

          The All-Star game hasn't even happened yet and without a doubt the best catch of the All-Star break has already happened. I'm not talking about the 20-something lanky kid tossing 11 year olds aside to snag hits that fell short of a home run. Some dude chilling pool-side at Chase made a fucking beautiful diving catch. Diving into the pool fully clothed, socks and all, makes the catch all while saving his beer. What a beauty. What a fucking GEM. 

Gems - The Good Ol' Days

Oh, the good ol' days. I don't think Yankee fans are jumping for joy about Jorgie's replacement in A-Rod, an equally embarrassing DH. But hey, if you're a New York fan I'm sure you love (and are used to) losing six straight.  (Are my New England roots showing? Good.)

Gem/You're Killin' Me, Smalls - Old Hookups

Wish I had a crocodile in this situation. 

          So you're home for the summer, you spend your days slaving away as a roofer or a camp counselor or at some unpaid internship but at night, you rage with your high school friends. It's a throwback every night and it's awesome. Until the girl(s) you used to hook up with show up. If you're on friendly/good terms with them, then theres no problem and honestly only good things can come from that situation. In fact, that is one of the bet situations you could be in. You catch each other up on your lives, you fall into the same jokes, the same routine, next thing you know her shirts off. What a gem. But if things didn't end so amicably then you're in for a real fucking treat. You can do the awkward dance where you two avoid each other all night (where she probably ends up getting sloppy and cryscreams at you for the rest of the night anyway.) Sorry ladies, but we rarely do anything wrong in these circumstances. Guys are usually the ones playing it cool. We would rather ignore you're (most likely annoying) ass to keep having a good time but for some reason that never works. God forbid theres a confrontation of the situation. Have your buddy help you out with this one, "Oh you didnt hear (pun intended) that he went deaf at a Nickelback concert?" (have him insult you to really bring her home (pun not intended, avoid the victory lap at all costs with the crazies)) "yeah, he actually went to a Nickelback concert, what a fucking idiot right?" A situation so shitty we had to bring up Nickelback? Shit, bro. 

Gems - Getting Back Together With Old Friends

Yeah, if you sucked in high school. Just
straight innacurate.

          Reunited at last. Theres nothing like it. Not knocking my college friends because they're my boys too, but there's something different about the guys you grew up with. They were on your little league team, they were at your house all summer when your hot neighbor got a pool (everyone has a Wendy Peffercorn) and they were there until you went to different schools after you're senior summer. Obviously summers are a little different than the Peffercorn peeping days because everyones got jobs/internships/etc but there is literally nothing like spending a sunny day with you're hometown bros. Always a prime day. Deciding where/what to do is like Brigham Young choosing his favorite wife, there are just way too many choices, so many old spots to hit up. And fittingly after mothers day, old friends' moms are always so happy to see you and be updated on your life while they make you iced tea and pizza rolls (moms get me) And swapping crazy stories will literally never get old. 

Gems - Cooler Prank

Now that formal season is over and you're once "totes presh" cooler is out of date, why not put it to good use? Just follow these OSU students lead.....

Gems - Clever Tool Commercial

Decently clever commercial from Echo Tools. Making a bold move by throwing out the "we have to remind you that tools are manly" marketing playbook, Echo made this gem. I like it. Check it out. 

Gems - NHL.com Headlines

         They're punny as shit and I almost always laugh to myself when I see them. Obviously, not every one is a gem but there are always a few that are absolute gold. Here are a few of the headlines from the past few days that have drawn a laugh out of me. 

Revenge is always better when chilled before serving. 

My favorite out of the bunch? Easily "Coburn Baby Burn". Crafty coming in a close second.

While "Price Check" is a refreshing change from "The Price is Right" (Actually, the Price is WRONG, BITCH!) but I like "Thomas Saves" out of this group because I like to think they're comparing Timmy to Jesus. And let's face it, the way Thomas flops around on the ice and still makes those fuckin incred saves has to involve some kind of divine intervention. "Gionta Finishes" also makes the 16 year old in me snicker.

OMG get it? Because of, like, the royal wedding! NHL.com, relevant in pop culture? I guess. Clever either way.

         I honestly cannot believe how unpopular the NHL still is in America. The first round of the playoffs have been the most exciting playoff action we've seen in any sport in a long, long time. Plus with NHL.com employing better writers than Saturday Night Live these days, the lack of popularity is just surprising to me. Wake up, sports fans. 

Gems - 'Nado Basement Parties

          
basement party - the cool kids

As Brogina George wisely said, "It's 'nado season, bitches. And shits about to get weird." Preach. I've spent more time in basements in the past few weeks than I had planned. With flash flood and tornado warnings becoming part of my and everyone else's regular routine I thought I'd share a song that we can all embrace. Next time the tornado sirens go off (tonight?) blast this bitch and have a fucking basement party. Get it, got it, gooood.