Disclaimer: This is not meant to be discriminatory or malicious in any way shape or form. It is simply paying homage to the oddities of the hardest workers at Miami University, and quite possibly the world. Side note: I hooked up with an asian once (1/2 asian.. but it still counts, right?)
Running Everywhere
For reasons unknown, Asians always seem to be in a hurry. It might be because they don’t like to waste time because their 26 credit hours are catching up to them, or maybe it’s a conditioned response ever since Godzilla hit Tokyo circa 1998, who knows. Regardless, no one can deny the fact that their size 5 feet are 95% of the time most likely in a dead sprint. Normally this wouldn’t bother me, because I’m all for running and being active (…..lol jk) but the way they run, in particular the 80 pound girls, is a sight in and of itself. Whether it’s on the track in their pocketless Apple Bottom jeans, or from the printer to their 4 computers in Club King, their arms have this strange anomaly that make them unable to move from their sides. Getting tunnel vision must also be a side effect, because I swear I’ve almost been run over by them at least 10 times. Moral of the story: if a small Asian man seems to be headed in your direction, move out of the fucking way because Su Chong’s on a mission.
Umbrellas in every kind of weather
The epitome of just how many fucks Asians give can be seen in their blatant disregard for the correct use of an umbrella. Sure, they bust their hello kitty or panda umbrellas with ears when it’s raining out just like the rest of us, but the fun doesn’t stop there. I may be able to look past the fact that I’ve seen a few carrying them around when its snowing, but while every Miami girl is laying out in central quad and rocking shorts and a tank top as soon as the sun comes out, Asians can be seen walking around with umbrellas hiding from it. Rumor has it that in Asia tan skin equates you to a lower class in society… but hello, it’s the 2000’s and you’re in America now. Give it up already. We’ve got sunscreen for that shit.
Ruining the curve
Quite possibly the main reason all university students secretly hate Asians. Nevermind the fact that I can’t do 10 minutes worth of studying without mass texting all the people I know with adderall… but Asians take studying to a new extreme. When they’re not sleeping in the library, breaking a sweat in their intense ping pong or badminton tournaments, or smoking outside every public building they see, they’re tearing shit up on every test they take and raping the educational system in the ass. How they have perfected the art of getting straight A’s without going to class while simultaneously fucking the rest of us normal kids out of a good curve is something I will never understand. Well played you sick fucks, well played.
-Angelina Brolie
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