Style: No Homo - Career Fair

          [Disclaimer: I, Don Vito Broleone, have been sitting on this post since he, Sandy Brofax, fucking wrote it on the Wednesday of career fair and am just now getting around to posting it. In the words of the illustrious Dwayne Michael Carter, sorry for the wait.]

          As I construct the following column, it is 7:30 PM on Wednesday evening. Today was our university’s illustrious Career Fair and, for some, the social event of the season. While I debated gracing those less-than-fortunate-to-be-employed souls with my presence, I figured already having an offer beat a boatload of free pens and acting as if I cared. Hey, I’m graduating.

            Regardless, this evening was spent dining with my father and sister at one of our uptown eateries. As we departed, I could not help but notice the overwhelming number of dudes dressed in what they considered to be their finest threads. A sartorial aficionado, it took every bit of willpower (again, I have little—I’m graduating) to not point and laugh.

            If you were one of the lucky enough souls to have somehow impressed a recruiter enough to score an interview, please heed the following pieces of advice as they may very well be the difference between a shitty studio apartment in Brooklyn versus a shitty studio apartment in your parents’ basement.

Know how to look like a partner at a law firm, not the fresh-out-of-law-school kid
who has two suits and no sense of how to impress. 

1. Black shoes, black belt. Brown shoes, brown belt. I subscribe to only wearing black shoes in weddings, funerals, or in our court systems, but if black is your only option, please get it right.
2. Gentlemen, Sperry Top Siders are wonderful. I wear them religiously even though 95% of my experiences on boats involve those of the motor variety and a keg or six. Sperry Top Siders are not, however, business professional. Bro shoes, yes, but bros also know how to seamlessly fit in.
3. Building off the previous point: shoes. If you own any shoes with a squared off toe, discard immediately; they are, without a doubt, the most heinous shit in menswear.
4. I love Vineyard Vines. I really do; they made my high school’s tie and I am damn near positive I am somehow related to Baby Beluga with the amount of product I own. With that being said, your critter gear is not professional. Again, bro status, but bros know when and where to wear.
5. The most classic shirt you can wear is either a white or blue oxford cloth shirt with either a spread/cutaway collar or a button down. If you wear a suit, opt for the former; a blazer and chinos, the latter. 
6. If you plan to dress up at any point in your life, I swear to God, get that shit tailored. Nothing will make you look more like a child wearing dad’s clothes than ill-fitting threads. Spend good money on a good tailor—it ain’t cheap.
7. For the love of God, polish your shoes.
8. You need to know two tie knots: the four-in-hand and the half-Windsor. These two knots will be the key to your existence.
9. When wearing a tie, do not unbutton the button securing your collar, lest you run the risk of looking as if you just finished swigging Olde English 800 in a bus station bathroom.
10. Your tie should hit the center of your belt buckle. Nothing more, nothing less.
11. Your pants should be tailored or worn to the point of a single break on the top of the shoe. This fit is comparable to the leg “touching” the shoe and the point is so that you do not look as if you are wearing MC Hammer pants.
12. Iron your shirt.
13. You want to differentiate and add a pocket square? Awesome. Make it crisp, clean, and white.
14. Wear a watch. Your iPhone is not an appropriate substitute.
15. Pleats are a no-no.
16. I am morally opposed to socks, yet they are undoubtedly necessary from time to time. With lighter shades, use navy, and use black with black. If I see you wearing athletic socks, well, I hope you’ve stretched ‘cause it’s time to take a lap.
17. You should know your neck size and arm length. You are a college student, so go ahead and abandon the S-M-L sizings for casual wear. Or for never.
18. Ties should be of a solid color, of a repp or regimental variety, or of a specifc club of which you are a member.
19. Your contrast collar shirt makes you look like you should be an extra in “Wall Street.” Do you really want that?
20. If all else fails, wear a lax pinnie—you’ll be good to bro. Er, go. Whatever, fuck it.

-Sandy Brofax