Respect the Cinco

“Twas the night before Cinco de Mayo, and all through the cabana,

No music was playing, not even Santana.

All three of our families all slept in one bed,

While visions of citizenship danced in our heads.”

The first weekend in May has always been one of my favorite American holidays. Yes, I said an American holiday. To much of the world’s confusion, Cinco De Mayo is celebrated more in the great USA than it is to our brownish neighbors in Mexico.

Yes, I actually took the time to research this shit. Well, by research, I mean Wikipedia-ing the term “Cinco-De-Mayo”. Turns out, 4,000 Mexican troops kicked the shit out of 8,000 French fag soldiers on May the 5th in 1800-something in a small town near Cancun. So basically, this holiday is celebrating the defeat of the French, which I am more than happy to drink to.

But why is this holiday even celebrated in America when our asses weren’t even there fighting? Well, fuck if I know and neither does Wikipedia. They said it was something “cultural”. Yeah, cultural in the sense that millions of them are now living here and most likely mowing my lawn as I type this. But this holiday did bring something great to shitty convenient stores near you: the new Bud Light Lime-a-Rita.

Did you think the BL Plats were a game changer? Well here’s their Mexican cousin

Budweiser has had an amazing year when it comes to mixing up the beer game. The BL Platinums are in all honesty the biggest game changer of 2012. Their newest concoction is not beer, yet does not contain any tequila. It falls under that semi-retarded category that Four Loko’s are considered, which is more commonly known as malt liquor.

The label says “served best over ice”. Yeah, so is premium scotch. Would you drink your Four Loko out of wine glass? That’s what I thought. So I decided to crack it open and chug. My first thoughts were not that bad. The 8% alcohol by volume is kept under control by the sweet marg flavor. And I couldn’t really taste any beer. The thing that caught me most off guard was the size. It’s an 8oz. can, similar to the size of the tomato juice your grandma is forced to drink in her nursing home. Not exactly sure what Bud was thinking when they put it in this miniature can. Easy storage/transportation/shotgunning? Or maybe for grandma? Again, fuck if I know.

The size comparison. I switched to the Patrón after I finished my BL Ritas

Well, I’m already five BL Ritas deep as I’m writing this article, and they’re getting the job done. That Patrón though is staring at me… Here’s my final take on Bud’s newest creation: Bros, only drink them on the Cinco. Other than this upcoming fiesta, make sure to leave the BL Ritas for the slams.

-Ron Brogundy