Freshman Fail - Internship Edition

          So this is an email I got from a freshman looking to be an intern today. I was planning on waiting for Fail Friday to post this but I'm gonna announce the interns and add them to the Broster tomorrow so here it comes. When I got this email tonight I just had to laugh. Nice wet dream, bro. Keep following. 

"My first weekend here started out with a bang, literally. My older brother is a recent grad, so he threw my number out to a few of his fraternity brothers to look out for my buddies and I until we became networked with other people who had houses and shit. I meet up with one of the guys he had introduced me to a while back (parents weekend all throughout high school lead to mad amounts of caps and throwing around cash from a young age) and we met at the fraternity house for what I thought to be a few drinks before hitting the bars. I was kind of wrong. Two hours later I was 8 deep (not about to lie about how much I can drink, i know plenty of minions who would claim to be ten deep, but theyre all fucking liars) and feeling well-beyond ready to go out. Next on the agenda was CJ's, where thankfully they knew the bouncers and shit so i was able to get in and acquainted with my first wrist-band. Enter brownout mood. I'm fairly certain I bought drinks for about 11 chicks and half of the fraternity. Soco and lime shots were decent and cheap, so that was being thrown around like newspapers on a sunday morning. My next clear recollection was sucking face with some junior who actually believed that I was a sophomore at Dartmouth.That works every time. We left for her place to go bang, which was sick, so I took another shot and left the bar with an empty wallet and a stomach filled with what was about to be some colorful puke. She lived far as fuck away, but I kept trucking, god forbid i end the night without closing on this 6. She slips a condom on me (who the hell does that?) and we slay until i climax like mt. st. helens. She walks with me into the bathroom and out of no where, I square up to her, make eye contact, and projectile onto her face, rug, and toilet. For some reason, my first instinct was to grab her monogrammed bath towel and wipe off my puke covered body. That sort of pissed her off, but fuck it. I slip in my own puke, nail my forearm on the toilet seat, grab my pants and hit the road. This bitch was practically in tears as I made my exit. Thankfully I didn't shell out my bbm pin or anything, and she thinks my name is james valincourt, so I won't be receiving any facebook inboxes. My girlfriend would kill me if this shit went public, so alas I'll sign off" 

Freshman Fail.