How's Oxford, bitches? I wouldn't know because I'm out in good ol' ireland properly fucking shit up. Truth be told I had no idea of what the hell I was doing when I flew over here, it was more of a "Hey this sounds a shit ton better than sitting in classes I've already failed" type situation, oh and being suspended based on my 0.46 GPA last semester gave me that extra motivation I needed. Who said being completely useless academically was a bad thing? (Sweet Jesus bless my soul if either of my parents read this.)
So here's a little teaser of the shit I've been dealing with once I got to Ireland..
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| No, but seriously.... |
Side note: I'm going to do you all a favor and skip over the pre-boarding the plane hysterics that took place for a solid four days straight. It's safe to say I'm no longer welcome in any Target location located on the east coast after I was laying over my shopping cart weeping like a child screaming to my mother that the Irish were planning on harvesting my organs immediately upon my arrival. Packing also consisted of me throwing shit around my room having consistent hissy fits and mental breakdowns..traveling alone internationally for the first time is super fun..(please note my sarcasm.) Oh and just to further explain the conversation that occurred in Target, after I was done rambling about my organs being harvested my mother comforted me by stating. "Tell them you get kidney stones, and your liver is shit. No one will want to harvest crap out of you." Thanks Ma, you're a real gemstone.
1. There will always be that one fucking creep in the bar that just won't leave you and your friends alone. There will also always be that one forty something year old lady who somehow managed to defy gravity and shove at least a third of her skin rolls into the tightest dress she could find at the local Salvation Army (or whatever the European equivalent is.)
2. Despite what people say American's are viewed as either A) rich, skinny, tan, and ignorant or B) fat, disgusting, plaid wearing hillbillies, and still ignorant. Luckily I managed to use the word "y'all" one of my first days here and have been pegged as option B. Awesome.
3. People here are nicer, end of story. We are seriously some kinds of assholes compared to these people. They're hard working, polite, honest, and genuinely amazing..going back to Oxford is going to be an open palm slap right in the face. Oh and to add insult to injury they rarely curse which has been a blast for me..I'm really racking up the ignorant hillbilly points.
4. It rains, every fucking day, and good luck finding a damn tanning both. The only one I could find on google maps (yes..I'm that desperate, shut the hell up) was called "Wow Brown." Racist? Perhaps a bit, I'm not entirely sure yet.
5. I am proud to say I have successfully kept up with or out drank everyone who has gotten hammered drunk with me. What can I say, maybe it's the Adderall I pop prior to getting my drink on that keeps me running on all cylinders, or maybe it's purely my devotion for being an Amurican. Who knows, I'm not God. But, until this conundrum is solved I'll continue to get straight up sloppy and yell shit like "GOD BLESS AMURICA!" and "YEE HAW!" just to solidify the fact that I am in fact from the United States of America.
Peace out bitches.
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