It's Christmas Fuckin' Eve

Twas the night before Green Beer Day and all through the house, 

not a frat star was stirring, not one could you rouse. 

The kegs were on ice, they were tapped with such care, 

in hopes that tomorrow they would soon be drunk bare. 

The students were nestled all snug in their beds, 

while visions of green beer danced in their heads. 

The slampiece in her leggings and I in my cap, 

had just settled down for a short springtime nap. 

When down in the basement there arose such a clatter, 

I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. 

Away to the stairs, I flew like a flash, 

tore open the door, and down them I dashed. 

The just rising sun on the newly tapped keg, 

gave the luster of mid-day, paired with a green egg. 

When what to my wondering eye did appear, 

but a mini ice luge with green shots for my peers.

Drunk Freshmen, drunk Sophomores, 

drunk Juniors, drunk Seniors! 

Drunk Buckeyes, drunk Bearcats, 

drunk Hoosiers and Hawks! 

To the top of the porch, from the window, to the wall! 

Now drink away, drink away, drink away all! 

Cheers,

-The Big Lebroski 


EDIT: An (unfortunately) anonymous commenter left their own poem which is actually hysterical. Fucking read it. 

'Twas the Night Before Green Beer Day
By Two Former Miamians on the occasion of GBD '07 

'Twas the night before Green Beer Day, when all through the school
Not a student was studying, not even the tools.
The Coozies were placed by the fridge with care
In hopes that the morning soon would be there.

The students were nestled all snug in their beds,
While thoughts of morning drunkenness danced in their heads.
And everyone set their alarms to 5:30,
For their academic records tomorrow they'd dirty.

When out on their desks there arose such a ring:
They snoozed their alarms to see what morning would bring.
Away to the kitchens they flew with a flash;
Tore open the doors and gathered their cash.

The sun starts to rise over few driving cars
As all in Oxford head out to the bars.
When what to our wandering eyes should appear
But kegs upon kegs of green, flowing beer

Our eyes lit up bright as our lips we all lick;
By the end of the day, we all will be sick.
More rapid his than eagles, from taps out it came;
The students whistled, shouted and called out by name:

"Bud Heavy, Mich Ultra and some Natty light!
Start me a tab and pour me a pint!
To the top of the cup and then down to the end
Finish your first, then fill up again!"

Then, it's 9:30, and we're drunk off our ass;
We're met with an obstacle: our morning's first class.
Threatened with things like zeros, fails or drops
On our way down the slant walk, we're alert for the cops.

And then, in the twinkling, we enter the room
Knowing full well of our impending doom.
As we take our seats, we are thoroughly messed
And try our hardest not to puke on our test.

When on question 10, our answers in doubt,
To the left what sees we? A classmate passed out.
After 50 minutes' torture, still we're not sober
On the way out the door, two others fall over.

We look at the bus stop but the sign is a blur;
To the house for a nap we must go for the cure.
We wake up at 3 again twinkling and merry
And go back to the bars for a shot of Extreme Cherry (suck it, Bratz)

Our droll little mouths were drawn up like bows
We look to our right and see three bangin' hoes.
Decked out in green shirts, right jolly young sluts
In two hours time, we'll put it in their butts!

But then we remember that we're too drunk to talk;
We get another round and continue to gawk.
And using the grease off the side of our nose,
We put fingers in beer and down the foam goes.

After several shots, where tequila's the killa'
We realize that we are all totally drunkzilla
We spring to our feet, to our friends give a whistle
And away we all fly like the down of a thistle.

But as we leave the bar, we've one statement to make:
"Happy Green Beer Day to all, have a nice Spring Break!"